I know that title sounds a bit strange but that is where it feels like I have been for a couple of weeks. Nothing will lift up my spirit, nothing will give me energy, and there is little that feels good right now.
Maybe it is a bit of overwork and burnout or maybe it is something that is moving in and around me. I never am quite able to put a finger on these dark spots of life but they are there for sure and I have learned to just try and live through them without hurting to many people around me.
Today is better, just had a couple days, well 3 actually off and went to the mountains which always picks me up a bit. Life on the plains is okay but it gets stuffy here and there is no place that seems to be spiritually higher than other. I know it sounds judgemental but I was born in the shadow of Pikes Peak and then off to the plains only to come home to Wyoming and the mountains for a major time in life.
Enough on all that we had rain and the world is a brighter place for that and the cloudy days really do lift my spirit some. The birds are happy and the grass is green, the garden is watered as the dust is out of the air. How can a person not feel a bit better.
Had so much to say and then I start typing and it is gone. Time is gone as well so will try to get more done. Did a bit of blog searching and noticed many others are offline as well so that helps as it makes me not feel all alone in the desire lacking department.
Have a great day all and happy blogging.
WaynO
Friday, May 23, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
What a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
I was thinking that I needed to put up a new post this week as I have neglected this quite a bit. Just not up to all that is happening.
Well the new week came and it was a funeral for a woman who at 61 died quite unexpectedly. Took massive amounts of energy and was in the town 20 miles away so I just don't get all gathered up. It was in a church I have preached at but not a funeral and I am not sure how all of the equip works there and with a different funeral home than I am used to. Made it though and have a brand new insight about dying.
Then to put icing on the cake my 21 year old daughter was put in the hospital and had emergency surgery. God never prepared me for my children or my spouse to be sick. My wife and I were at the hospital from about 10 pm Wed to 5am thursday. Great new though, she just called and is getting out today so I need to go pick her up and take her home. What a priveledge to be the daddy and get the call that all is well.
So it seems a bit self absorbed posting all this stuff and the I add a very difficult situation with being a hospice chaplain and putting all this into one week I wanted to scream or cry or I don't know what. The Lord settled me a bit and I began to think about the week. I really believe that I discovered something about being a human this week. There is so much stuff out there about grief (and that is what my week was for me) that it would boggle the mind. Funeral messages tend to fall under about 3 or 4 favorite scriptures with words that are meant to help us feel better and not make us cry.
There is a different thought about all this death and illness and living through it into another place. Scripture is important and I really use it but, and this is a biggy it doesn't always help. Sometimes I find the anger toward God makes us unable to hear anything positive in it. Often it is used as consolation when we really need to be angry and upset.
I am going to take the road for a while that says the whole issue isn't God, the issue is us. We are human and we are mortal. You see the problem is we really want to be immortal and we want the people we care about to be immortal. The problem is we do not seem to be able to accept the fact that we are not invinsible. We will all die, we will wear out and are succeptable to a multitude of problems.
If we were to compare ourselves to a machine (stretch I know) we would find that many of the part are not going to last. Even though we were created by a perfect being and we were created perfect we must throw in the abuse, the neglect, and all the things out in this world we live in that can and will attack us.
This is like the car without an oil change, the salt and grime of the road, the hot rodding, the bad fuel. It is like the sin nature of humanity that allows us to wallow in all the crap the world offers us.
That image ought to give all something to think about. I need to get going and know I am in the middle of a thought but gotta get it organized before posting.
Let me know what you think and I will try to post more regular.
Grace and Peace WaynO
Well the new week came and it was a funeral for a woman who at 61 died quite unexpectedly. Took massive amounts of energy and was in the town 20 miles away so I just don't get all gathered up. It was in a church I have preached at but not a funeral and I am not sure how all of the equip works there and with a different funeral home than I am used to. Made it though and have a brand new insight about dying.
Then to put icing on the cake my 21 year old daughter was put in the hospital and had emergency surgery. God never prepared me for my children or my spouse to be sick. My wife and I were at the hospital from about 10 pm Wed to 5am thursday. Great new though, she just called and is getting out today so I need to go pick her up and take her home. What a priveledge to be the daddy and get the call that all is well.
So it seems a bit self absorbed posting all this stuff and the I add a very difficult situation with being a hospice chaplain and putting all this into one week I wanted to scream or cry or I don't know what. The Lord settled me a bit and I began to think about the week. I really believe that I discovered something about being a human this week. There is so much stuff out there about grief (and that is what my week was for me) that it would boggle the mind. Funeral messages tend to fall under about 3 or 4 favorite scriptures with words that are meant to help us feel better and not make us cry.
There is a different thought about all this death and illness and living through it into another place. Scripture is important and I really use it but, and this is a biggy it doesn't always help. Sometimes I find the anger toward God makes us unable to hear anything positive in it. Often it is used as consolation when we really need to be angry and upset.
I am going to take the road for a while that says the whole issue isn't God, the issue is us. We are human and we are mortal. You see the problem is we really want to be immortal and we want the people we care about to be immortal. The problem is we do not seem to be able to accept the fact that we are not invinsible. We will all die, we will wear out and are succeptable to a multitude of problems.
If we were to compare ourselves to a machine (stretch I know) we would find that many of the part are not going to last. Even though we were created by a perfect being and we were created perfect we must throw in the abuse, the neglect, and all the things out in this world we live in that can and will attack us.
This is like the car without an oil change, the salt and grime of the road, the hot rodding, the bad fuel. It is like the sin nature of humanity that allows us to wallow in all the crap the world offers us.
That image ought to give all something to think about. I need to get going and know I am in the middle of a thought but gotta get it organized before posting.
Let me know what you think and I will try to post more regular.
Grace and Peace WaynO
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